Since Kailan turned 4 last week, we had to take him into the doctor for the annual checkup on Monday.  I also signed both the kids up for the flu shot at the same time, so I knew this was going to be an ultra fun visit.

Kai was excited to go to the doctor, but it was only because he thought it was the dentist and they give you cheap crappy toys made in China “prizes” at the end of the exam.  I had to explain that there would be no prizes, but that I had some candy for after the doctor’s visit.  You see, I knew what was to come.

After getting to the office on time for once, we waited for 15 minutes or so to get in.  Meanwhile the children were running around the empty waiting room and climbing on stuff, while I was admonishing the little sprites and trying to fill out the same form they give us every time (No, we don’t smoke; Yes, we have smoke alarms; No, we don’t drink excessively…wait, how is that exactly defined??; Guns in house…do swords count, too?). 

Finally, we could go in!

Kai passed the vision and hearing test the nurse gave him with flying colors.  He got his weight (50%) and height (75%) checked.  Then the doctor came in and was asking him some developmental questions.  He didn’t quite understand why Kai answered the questions the way he did since he didn’t have the frame of reference.

Doctor: Kai, can you tell me what is a fence for?

Kai: It’s brown! (our fence is brown wood)

Doctor: Okaaay, not quite was I was going for…what do you do with a fence?

Kai: Fix it! (a storm came through this summer and blew down many of our neighbors’ fences)

Doctor:  Let’s try some different questions…

Of course, I wanted to explain to the old guy why he answered them that way, and he really was answering the questions well.  However, the doctor kept on with the litany of tests to check if he had mental and physical dexterity.  Kai was all over the standing on one foot test…he did it like a CHAMP.  That whole drawing a circle almost broke him though…dang, those tests were stressful. 😉 

At this point, Kailan had to go potty (OF COURSE!), so we needed to take a quick break.  The doctor wanted me to collect a urine specimen (YAY :shock:) so I got the little label, got him rushed into the bathroom, and…no little urine cup.  Meanwhile, he has dropped trou and peed away.  Of course, I was thinking, “Dang, now I won’t have the opportunity to get my hands peed on, because that would have really made my day.”

When we got back into the room, I told the doctor what happened.  He was alright with that and said they would just do it next time.  Then, he sent the nurse in for the shots and bid his goodbye and left. 

Yes people, he DID NOT give him a physical exam.  In my manic mommy state of mind, I questioned my sanity a little bit.  Did he do an exam and 5 seconds later I completely forgot about it??  Trying to keep the kids corralled can make me a little distracted, but I was pretty sure no physical exam took place (look into the light, check the ears, mouth, listen to the heart, lungs, etc).  I’ve been to enough of these exams to know what takes place, believe me.

When the nurse came in she asked if the kids were sick at all for their shots.  It dawned on me that actually, NO, the doctor did not check Kai’s lungs since he has had a bad cough for weeks and I wanted that checked.  I said the same to the nurse and she had a confused look on her face, as to why hadn’t the doctor checked him out??  I concurred with those feelings, only mine included some expletives I kept to myself. 

I have other issues with this doctor and at this point I am just kicking myself for not switching before.

So, the nurse sent Dr. Senile in and he said that he checked his lungs and they were fine, but that he would check them again.  Indeed?  Really??  Was that in the 1.1 seconds between when Kai ran in the room before me and when I entered?  I just let him listen to Kai’s lungs, and didn’t broach his obvious senility.   He said that, although he had a bad cough, Kai was fine.

Then came the ultra fun part…SHOTS!

I had explained to the kids while we waited that they would be getting a little prickly hurt so that later they wouldn’t get a much worse hurt and get really sick.  And that I would give them candy afterwards.  They seemed receptive to the candy part.

The nurse gave Anya her shots first and she was a brave little soldier.  She just furrowed her little brow and squeezed my hand, but no tears or crying.  She took it like a man would take it if he didn’t fear pain and wasn’t our son.  

Then came Kailan…he started whimpering before the needle touched his skin and then started screaming about how much it hurt afterwards.  Apparently, he thought they cut off his leg, as well as giving him a shot.

This in turn caused Anya to ponder, “Wait!!  That was supposed to hurt??  I guess I better get all upset and start crying loudly, too!”

Then there were two.   The nurse made her exit and mommy got out her secret weapon…CANDY.  At least it got the screams down to whimper, scream, *munch, munch*, whimper, and we could make our exit without too much commotion.

Yet another successful visit to the pediatrician.  I’m sure we’ll be back soon because the senile doctor did not help with Kai’s cough AT ALL.  Yay…maybe I should also pack some wine for mommy along with the candy. 😕