I think every child has their challenges. Kailan’s challenges earlier was his colick and then his frustrations due to him not learning to talk well until he was around 2.5 – 3 years old. We experienced some pretty massive temper tantrums from 18 months to 2.5 years old.
One thing that is his strength is that he is a good friend. At daycare he never wants for a playmate, which is sometimes unfortunate because some of his good friends are the troublemakers. He went through a few incident reports a year ago where he was getting some ill-advised manners from them. At least this little urchin is easy to correct. This past week Brian witnessed Kailan admonishing one of his troublemaker friends for making another child cry. That’s our boy.
Other kids seem to gravitate towards him – this soft spoken little lad. I remember one time when I took them to a playground full of kids, and a little boy wanted to play with Kailan. Kailan was focusing his rapt attention and joy at climbing, sliding and running around. He looked like a little sprite joyfully experiencing life. The little boy was drawn to him and followed him all around the playground saying, “Boy! What’s your name boy?”. It was sweet and funny, and unfortunately Kailan only really noticed him when he had given up on acquiring Kai’s attention.
He is a kind heart, and isn’t one that will fight with other kids over a toy. Oh no, he will sit down and cry if someone takes a toy from him. He will stand up for others, but not himself. Although we love that he is such a good boy, he needs to learn to be a bit more agressive. He needs to learn that he is allowed to tell other kids “No, stop being mean!”, and an occassional tussle over a toy taken from him is allowable.
This starts with his sister. We are trying to teach him that when she “abuses” him, he needs to stand up to her and at least tell her “NO!” before he comes over to us and tattles. You see, we think some of Anya’s bad habits are because she has never gotten put in her place by her big brother. She thinks she can push him around, and she does. This is one thing we have been really working on with him. When he comes to us to tattle on Anya, we have him go back and stand up for himself. This usually ends in tears for one or both of them, but eventually we hope it will get better. We know that they will always fight, but the score should be about even instead of heavily weighted to the curly-headed one. 😉
Isn’t it funny that so many people worry about the PHYSICAL demands of taking care of a child? The constant attention to make sure they are fed, dry, warm, healthy, and comforted seems to be the most intimidating thing mentioned about babies.
But we know the real work comes later!… the second-guessing that is parenthood in trying to nurture just the RIGHT amount of caring and assertiveness. Creating confidence without arrogance and trying to find that balance between discipline and crushing their spirit.
The blessing for you is that a gentle spirit isn’t something that can be taught. He’s born with the desire to experience things without it having to be at the expense of others. What a rare soul!
Best wishes as he learns the friendship that is a sibling. And for the curly-headed one to pick up a few tips from big brother! 🙂
Thanks for sharing – and for the great pictures!
Tough situation. My kids are always attracted to the quiet kids or the kids that will fight back.
That first picture wiht the texture really set the tone for the dialogue.
Very Fall/Winter change to your blog.
I just love that first one. What a sweet boy. Our oldest had colic too! What a nightmare! He’s been our biggest challenge. Well, until we had baby girl. At four I’d say she is really the tornado in the family now.
julie
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/juliestew
Bless Kai’s little heart! That first picture is especially perfect–I agree with MGF.
He looks like a tender hearted little guy too !
Love the first photo !! I so wish I could work out how to make textures look good on top of my photos … I must be skipping a step or two along the way …
That’s so hard with siblings. I’ve watched this situation with some of our friend’s children. He is just so sweet…could you photos show that anymore?!!
I agree with Maya. You can tell by looking at the photos of Kai that he has such a tender heart. My son is definitely more tenderhearted than my daughter too.
Beautiful pictures of Kai. You’ve certainly captured his tender side but also that bit of elfishness about him. 🙂
I have to agree he’ll have to stand up to Anya. I see a similar situation with my SIL’s two boys. One is 3 almost 4 and the other is 5. The 5 year old bullies his younger brother who doesn’t put up enough of a fight to end the bullying. Eventually it’ll happen but right now there’s a lot that goes straight to mom.
Kailan sounds like Ella in a way…or atleast my worries with her. She is not usually one to back down and usually makes a fuss if she feels she has been done wrong, but its her little spirit that I worry about. She looks at the world with such optimism and I fear her little spirit will get crushed in the real world. Its so tough to teach them how they should feel based on other peoples actions….expecially other children.
Such a sweet post about your little boy. I love the last shot on the bench with his little bare feet!
He is a sweet, sweet boy! And what a lovely post for him to look back on one day!
That first photo is just fantastic!
Oh, I love the new background, too!
I love the first picture! You can see his sweetness in his eyes. We have had the same trouble with Colby not standing up for himself because all of his friends are older. There is a huge difference between 2 year olds and 4 year olds. But it is getting better already, and I’m sure it will for K too!
What a sweet little man! You must be very proud of his tender, caring heart. But it’s so hard to teach them how to balance that….to be gentle and loving but not allow themsevles to be taken advantage of. Heck, I’m still working on that for myself!
Love this post…he sounds like an amazing little one! Reminds me a lot of stories I’ve heard about my DH when he was little…kids were always following him around wanting to be his friend! It’s a great personality trait that stays with them when they are older. Of course, i don’t have to deal with fights between my kiddos yet…but, I know I will have to someday, so thanks for sharing how you are working through yours!
Man..you never think that would be something you would be hoping your kids would do when you first have them. Beat up your sister?? What the heck? lol And then you discover how necessary all those squabbles with your siblings actually were for life skills! lol
I have friends who have a older boy and younger girl and the girl bullies her brother. They are working on the same think, having him stand up for himself. Doesn’t it amaze you how different your kids can be. Already I see very different personalties between my 6 month old and 2 1/2 year old.
I especially love the first image. I too, have a tender hearted boy. Your words really hit close to home.