I don’t know if it started on my birthday.  Probably before.  Yes, I remember.  It was when I kept getting bigger and not smaller.  When I moved clothes out of my closet or to the high shelves.  “Maybe someday I will wear them again.”  Vanity is a ghastly thing. 

I hope it gets better…this acceptance of getting older.  I’m starting to see those wrinkles, finally acknowledging the varicose veins.  It is bothering me more than I thought it would. 

My late twenties and early thirties were fun.  I felt good.  I was healthy.  We kept busy.  The last year, I don’t know, just seemed less fun.  Lots of being busy, more stressful, feeling bad that I wouldn’t work on losing weight.  All in my head.  All my own fault.

This year I am hoping to reverse that attitude.  Be better.

I want to be better.
I want to be a better mom.
I want to be a better wife.
I want to be better about staying in touch with family and friends.
I want to be better about going to church and being involved in that community.
I want to be better about showing our kids charity.
I want to be better about cooking them more nutritious meals.
I want to be a better photographer.
I want to be better at controlling spending.
I want to be better at controlling my eating.
I want to be better at exercising.
I want to be better at keeping the house the clean and the clothes washed.
I want to be better at my design work.
I want to be better at finding ways to commercialize my design work.
I want to be better at work.

I want to be better.

I just don’t have the time for everything…

…but I’m working on it.